When You Grew Up in a Home Affected by Alcohol or Gambling Addiction — How to Stop Blaming Yourself

If a Parent Struggles with Alcohol or Gambling Addiction: What a Child Can Do to Protect Themselves

When alcohol or gambling becomes a problem in a home, a child often carries far more than they should.

Reading the room.
Trying not to provoke anger.
Trying not to “cause trouble.”

And before they realize it, many children start thinking, “Maybe this is my fault.”

But I want to say this clearly from the beginning:
A parent’s addiction is not your responsibility.

What Often Happens in a Home Affected by Addiction

In households where alcohol or gambling is out of control, daily life can feel unpredictable.

• Yesterday they were kind — today they explode
• Money worries never disappear
• Promises are broken again and again
• The air at home always feels tense

A child learns “alertness” before they learn safety.

And in many cases, the child becomes the emotional regulator — the person trying to keep the home from collapsing.
They’re supposed to be protected, yet they end up protecting everyone else.

That reaction is understandable.
But it was never the child’s job.

Why Children Start Blaming Themselves

In unstable homes, children often develop thoughts like these:

“If I’m a better kid, maybe things will change.”
“If I endure it, maybe the house will stay calm.”

This isn’t weakness. It often comes from a child’s strength — the instinct to keep the family together.

But there’s a painful trap in that thinking:

You can’t control another person’s problem, no matter how hard you try.

Addiction changes only when the person facing it chooses to confront it.
It’s not something a child can carry.

A Note on “Adult Children” (AC)

In psychology and support communities, people who grew up in dysfunctional homes are sometimes described using the term
“Adult Children” (AC).

This is not a medical diagnosis. It’s a way of describing how a chaotic upbringing can affect how someone thinks,
relates to others, and protects themselves even after they become an adult.

For example, people may notice tendencies such as:

• Blaming themselves too easily
• Prioritizing other people’s moods and “reading the room”
• Feeling more familiar with tension than with calm
• Feeling guilty for asking for help

The important thing is this: these patterns are not “defects.”

They’re survival adaptations — ways a child learned to stay safe.

And adaptations can be unlearned, slowly and gently, when they’re no longer needed.

Three Things a Child Can Do to Protect Themselves

1) Separate “Their Problem” from “Your Worth”

A parent’s instability has nothing to do with your value.

Being yelled at doesn’t mean you’re wrong or worthless.
Learning to separate the family problem from your identity is a powerful form of self-protection.

2) Create One Safe Place Outside the Home

School. A library. A club. A trusted friend’s house. A hobby.

Even one safe place outside the home can reduce the pressure on your heart.

For me, cars became part of that safe space.
But the key is making it a support, not a new addiction.

Not an escape to disappear into — but a place to reset, breathe, and become yourself again.

3) Talk to a Trusted Adult

A teacher. A relative. A counselor. Even a friend’s parent.

Many people feel guilty talking about family problems outside the home.
But asking for help isn’t betrayal.

It’s a way to keep yourself from breaking.

Cultural Context: What Is Pachinko?

In Japan, pachinko is a familiar part of everyday life — you’ll often see parlors near stations, and it’s widely treated as entertainment.

But like any gambling culture, it can take more than money.
It can consume time, attention, and emotional stability.

The issue isn’t that it exists.
The issue is when it starts controlling someone’s life.

You can understand it as a cultural reality — and still choose distance and boundaries.

What I Realized Later

When I was younger, I carried the belief that “If I try harder, things will change.”

But as I grew up, I learned something simple and painful:

A parent’s life and your life are not the same thing.

You can’t choose your home environment.
But you can choose your future.

When I finally understood that, I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time:

Freedom.

Finally

If you’re living in an unstable home right now — doing everything you can to keep the balance — please remember this:

You are not to blame.
You are already doing your best.
And your value is not decided by your family situation.

Your future can come back into your hands.